My email to the Labour Party

A few weeks ago I signed up to notifications from the Labour Party. I wanted them to let me know when their manifesto was published. Of course I’ve been spammed by them ever since, with a range of amusing begging letters. They’ve just sent me this:

There it is. It’s been an incredible effort today and we’ve done
everything we can. All that’s left to say is….

…thank you Simon.

<snip />

Thank you for all you’ve done for this campaign.

When this election was called we knew it would be tough — the Tories wouldn’t have called it otherwise. But together, in less than eight weeks, the Labour movement has achieved so much.

Because no matter how high-tech and well-run this campaign was, we couldn’t have done it without you.

Record breaking donations, huge crowds and thousands of members and supporters campaigning for the first time. We left no stone unturned.

So thank you to the thousands who knocked on doors today and throughout the campaign. The thousands more who made calls, organised campaign centres and helped people to polling stations. Who shared our message online, reminded friends and family to vote, donated and campaigned for what we believe in.

You’ve done the Labour movement proud — both today and over the past 51 days — and we can’t thank you enough for that.

Team Labour

Here’s my reply:

Dear Labour Party,

The time has come for me to reply to your spamming and let you know that my aim over the last six weeks has been to unseat your candidate in Preston, Mark Hendrick. It’s a tricky thing to do in six weeks; Preston has been a Labour sinecure for seventeen years or more.

I used be a member of the Labour Party, but haven’t supported you for a long time, not since some point between the death of John Smith and the beginning of the Blair Terror. I can’t imagine what could possibly convince me to vote Labour ever again; the party no longer represents the ordinary people of Britain. You are irresponsible and dangerous, for Britain and for the world.

Yours very sincerely,

Simon Platt

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Author: Simon Platt

UKIP candidate for Preston in the 2017 general election

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